NewsLaugh Exclusive! Western Leaders Release Video; Urge Muslims To Convert

By: Arts & Entertainment News

In this week’s free issue, NewsLaugh.com, The Sanely Funny Weekly Humor Magazine, reveals that Western leaders, incensed by the increasingly frequent videos from Osama bin Laden's second in command, Ayman al-Zawahiri, who they have taken to calling the terrorist Jack in the box, have released a video of their own in which they urge Muslims to convert. The video was recorded at an undisclosed location in New York. Here are selected highlights:

Jacques Chirac was allowed to take the lead in honor of the French role in the Enlightenment. He maintains some vagueness about just what he is inviting Muslims to convert to but finally manages to state that they should "convert to peaceful coexistence" and recommends that they also "convert from falafel to French pastry."

Tony Blair says, "While I would never propose that Muslims become devout adherents of the Church of England, I do recommend that the more radical sort stop trying to kill Christians and others you consider nonbelievers. As an encouragement, I ask you to bear in mind that religious wars finally do tend to become a two-way street."

Next, George Bush took the mike, stating, "Now, I respect the Muslim religion, but I want you to know that killing people in the name of Allah just gives Allah a black eye. I also want radical Muslims to think about this: if there is only one God and his name is Allah, then he made me and Crawford, Texas, as much as he made you and West Waziristan. So there’s no way he wants you to kill Americans."

A surprise participant was a liberal Muslim cleric, who was, the video informs us, located after an extensive worldwide search. As expected, he speaks commendably. "I finally took out some time to do the infidel thing; I read the Bible. And I can tell you that, just like the Koran, there’s a lot of stuff in it about slaying your adversaries. So I think if the Jews and Christians have forgiven and forgotten that part of their holy book, we should forgive and forget that part of ours. After all, God usually doesn't write down things himself. He trusts human beings to take dictation. And you know as well as I do that humans are imperfect scribes, especially when God appears at night and the tent is dark. Maybe, in fact, we ought to delete that stuff from our holy book. Then when we claim that our religion is better, we might at least be talking about a book that’s better when it comes to slaying other people. Hey, think about that. The way we can really distinguish our religion is to refrain, in word and deed, from slaying other people."

The video is scheduled for release on al-Jazeera Television as soon as it can be hand-delivered across the Atlantic Ocean, the Mediterranean Sea, and past various land obstacles, some of which are rumored to be controlled by Ayman al-Zawahiri.

Other sanely funny features in this week’s free issue include:

* Aye, Cap’n Bush, 'Tis Not Only The Storm But The Navigation. It’s our Spoof of the Week!

* Kofi Annan, The Middle East Repairman; Will His Handiwork Keep The Peace?

* What? An Iranian With A Good Thought In His Cranium?

* Chavez On US Oil Find In Gulf Of Mexico; Result Of Leak From Venezuela

* Tony Blair To Resign As British PM; Hopes To Run For US Vice President

* Scientists Discover Gene That Controls Stupidity

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Each week, NewsLaugh.com presents humorous weekly articles under such headings as Sanely Funny Cover Story, Dreadline of the Week, Shreditorial, Washington Spin Din, Clever Monkey of the Week, and a Spoof of the Week.

About Tom Attea, humorist and creator of NewsLaugh.com:

Mr. Attea has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his comedy writing, "delightfully funny," "witty," with "great humor and ebullience" and "good, genuine laughs."

He was awarded a grant as a playwright by New York’s Theater For The New City and co-wrote the first feature film Showtime produced.

He has extensive experience in news media. He wrote the recent campaign for The New York Sun, New York’s new broadsheet newspaper, "Illuminate Your World," the classic campaign for Time Magazine, "There’s never been a greater need for understanding," and the long-running theme for The Village Voice, "In this city, you need a Voice." In broadcast media, he wrote the advertising that successfully introduced Lifetime television, "There’s nothing like a woman’s Lifetime," and oversaw all the advertising for WABC TV and radio in New York.

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